Why a butterfly?

The most common question I receive about my book cover is... "Why a butterfly?" And there are three important reasons why...

First, a butterfly is knows for it's beauty and is viewed as very delicate, but what is a butterfly?

Well, the second reason is explained at the beginning of my book:

"Butterflies represent hope, happiness and lightness of being. The butterfly's beauty has come at great cost and through its journey it has undergone profound transformations and survived many obstacles…”

That is my primary reason why I chose a butterfly. I am a woman, the most delicate between men and women. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so I can’t say you’d find me beautiful… but all of God’s creations are beautiful in his sight, so therefore I am beautiful. I’m beautiful to me, and I am beautiful to God… and that’s what matters. That definition fits, but more importantly my book is about my life, my struggles and obstacles that I've had to get through.

If you think about a butterfly’s life, a butterfly begins as a caterpillar, and throughout it’s life, it transforms into a butterfly. Through this process it has to survive! That’s what my story is about. Survival. I survived. And today I am still surviving different obstacles. A butterfly is my favorite symbol, and it defines me. I look at myself as a beautiful disaster. My life has been a disaster, but through it all, I have become more beautiful. I learned things in life the hard way, but I wouldn’t change anything about my life, or myself because these are the things that made me who I am. Beautifully me.

My third reason for using a butterfly is what you see. The butterfly covers both the front and back of my book (one wing on each cover, the butterfly's body on the spine), and I did that with intention. I wanted you to see one wing when you pick up my book, but when you open the book, and are reading it’s contents, I wanted the entire butterfly exposed. I am exposing my entire story. I wanted it to symbolize more than just the actual butterfly. It’s telling you, and anyone who walks up while you are reading, that you are seeing it all. No secrets. Everything. Therefore you are seeing the whole butterfly. Me.

So, from now on, when people ask me why I used a butterfly, I will respond, because that’s me...  A beautiful and delicate disaster. Me.

"Allow me to re-introduce myself"

"Allow me to re-introduce myself, I am the president of the united states..." were president Obama's very first, and very proud words. A partial quote from a Jay-Z song 

"Public Service Announcement"

Being apart of such an historical moment is what most would call life changing. I wrote a book, and I wanted it to reach people, I wanted it to help people, I wanted to have a voice. Meeting the president and listening to his words made me realize, I am reaching people. And even thought it's not paying off right now, or I can't necessarily see the end of the tunnel right now, one day I will move forward! I was given the opportunity of a lifetime to be at President Obama's victory speech on the night of his actual victory! Lounging around in a basically padded room, with an open bar, amazing food and celebrities, one would say I am lucky, I choose to say I am blessed. I was able to bring one lucky soul along, and so I chose my cousin. We were in this room with all these people deserving to be there for one reason or another, and we totally felt out of place... but that didn't last long as the people around us went out of their way to make us feel at home and know, this was our president too. We too deserved to be there just like everyone else. Celebrities passed us throughout the the 6 hours we were there, but the celebrity that came up to me was Will.i.am from the black eyed peas. He was cool as hell, didn't act snooty or like he was too good for the people in the room. He too remembered being just like me, struggling to get somewhere, be somebody, just wanting to be someone. And that night, even if just for a little while, he gave me the time and attention we all crave. He saw me. And he gave me his time in return!

This is how it all began. I'd seen him standing with people, chatting, and so I went over in his direction, not really sure how to approach him. I saw a man standing directly behind him looking a little tense, so I decided it was best to ask him before I approached Will.i.am himself. The body guard told me no pictures, or at least to wait until later. He thanked me for asking for, and so I went on about my business with my cousin, back to getting our drinks from the bar. Not even a whole minute later there he was, stretching his arm out in front of me to return his glass of wine that he no longer wanted. I laughed, I didn't know what else to do. It wasn't like I was going to tell on him, or interrupt his sneaky attempt to give back a cup of sipped wine, laughing was all I could do. He stopped, looked at me, and randomly enough, the first words out of his mouth were... "Your ears aren't smaller than mine." Yes, those were his exact words! So I played along. Plus, I do have really small ears, I was surprised to see he noticed. We argued for a minute until finally he showed me his ear and DAMN are they small! He was right... my ear aren't as small. I told him my instruction to wait on pictures, but he shoo'd his body guard away, grabbed my phone and handed my phone to the first fan trying to get his attention to take out picture. We didn't like any of the pictures maybe we pictures later. He instructed the now annoyed girl to take one more before FINALLY we liked one. I thanked him, and just like that, my 15 minutes were over! 

The room was comfy, the food great, and the people friendly. Okay, so lets get down to business. 

Top moments:

Best moment of the night... When Obama hit 274 and was announced re-elected! The entire room screamed! Gay men where kissing and hugging and crying! Women were jumping with no care of if they were flashing people! Drinks were spilled! New friends were made... The room was just the happiest I've ever seen a room of very diverse people!

Second, After Obama said his speech in the grand room with thousand of people, he came to the back room where we were and gave another speech just for us (his private party)! The love between Michelle and Barack is SO real. You can see it! It’s the kind of love that makes you desire & demand nothing less than what they have! The kind of love you saw on the Cosby show growing up... But wasn't sure if it was real because it was TV! While Barack was speaking, Michelle kept yelling (or chanting) things to co-sign what Barack was saying. It was SO funny because after a while she started to get out of hand, and in the cutest way ever her said, “you all are going to have to forgive Michelle, she hasn’t gotten any sleep and she gets a little feisty when she’s tired!”  Michelle slapped his chest, and laughed along with us all! It was a great moment to see them as their natural, relaxed selves!

There were so many major moments last night! Obamas victory at the top, but definitely NOT the only great moment! This moment in history would have only been a figment of my imagination, but it wasn't... I was living it! Those moments are forever engraved into my mind and heart, and that is something nobody can ever take away. I didn’t deserve the opportunity to go, but I am so happy I did!

Oh... did I forget to add I was THIS close to the president and I got to shake his hand? yea... I did! 

No time for quitters...

I've come a long way in my life. I went from thinking I wasn't worthy enough and walking with my head down afraid to look people in the face to confidence in myself. Being adopted did a number on me and the things I experienced so young took a toll on me, but the one thing people continuously did to me growing up was give up. Giving up on me because they felt there was no hope, or they thought I was too damaged. I don't know everything, but I do know quitting is one of the worse things anyone can do. Writing my book about my life, sharing all the terrors of my past and into my present, has been the hardest thing I've ever tried to do.

The process of getting published has proved to be even harder. I've had to fight through so much... I've never seen an industry so gangsta like the publishing, editors and literary agents industry. It's a whole new world of survival of the fittest. You have to fight, give blood, sweat and tears and ultimately... you have to realize you are not amazing until to make someone believe you are. It doesn't matter if what you wrote will touch a nation, or if it's the best most well put together story ever. What matters is if you can sell yourself. Selling yourself to a crowd of people as well as a literary agent. I had to educate myself on the entire process, buy book, research on line. Along the way I created what I believe is a pretty damn good query letter and book proposal, but will it be enough to get my book published? I hope so. And if it's not, I will work even harder to make changes and do what I need to make my dream come true.

An Ex literary agent told me that you have to be willing to receive a thousand no's before you are ready to receive a yes. So as I've sent out my first 30 query letters to agents, I have humbly received six no's and I am okay with that. If at the end of this I only get one yes, I will be happy, and if I get all no's, I will go back to my drawing board, figure out what I'm doing wrong, and I will try again. It's exhausting, and it's a true dedication, but this is my dream. IF I give up, if I quit... I will be quitting on myself. As a person who has been given up on by others, I know how it feels and I know giving up on myself would be worse than what I've ever felt before. So I will NEVER quit on my self, or my dream. I will keep going and keep fighting until someone listens to me. Until someone says YES!